In honor of the two new books I just purchased today, I’m makin’ a Catfolk Gunslinger. For additional silliness, I’m gonna be listening to Nyan Cat the whole time, too.

Iomedae help us all.

Since Catfolk are not included in Ultimate Campaign’s listed homeland options (those racists) I’m just gonna skip to the Unusual Homeland table, starting strong with a 99. Yes, folks, this Catfolk Gunslinger comes from another plane of existence! Holy shit this is gonna be fun….. I have no idea what plane he should come from. Let’s worry about that later lol.

Circumstance of birth: With a result of 80, this Catfolk is a bastard! But what about the parents? 91 means….. oh shit they died. Welp, that sucks. Orphaned bastard cat from another plane of existence. So far so good.

Major Kittenhood Events: 3 events. 1.) 100! The War- grew up against a backdrop of military conflict. Jesus what kind of conflict?! 2.) 41- FIRST KILL. Well that makes sense with the war going one…. 3.) 26- Holy shit my cat DIED but was resurrected. This guy’s childhood is so bogus lol.

Gunslinger Background: What were his motivations for becoming a gunslinging kitty? 79- Sacred Charge. This basically means that gunslinging is not just a martial art form for this cat, guns are his religion.

Influential Associates: 2 people were a big influence on this otherworldly kitty gun-templar. 1). 76- The Fiend. This can be either a physical demon/devil, or this cat was possessed. 2.) 32- The Fool. One of kitty’s associates was a clown, jester or fool, or just some eccentric weird person who bucked tradition. Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………….

Determining Alignment: Fuck rolling for ethics, I’m just declaring this cat “Chaotic” given all the background details listed above. But where does he fall morally? His alignment conflict was 1.) A minor failure with the 8.) the clergy, and his motivation in the conflict was 1.) Justice. ….So basically, he had a problem with the Church of Gunz and was excommunicated because he exposed their corruption. Oooh! And it probably had something to do with the war. And they chased him onto another plane of existence….. FYI it’s actually a lot easier to connect the dots when your background is so fucking wacky! He doesn’t feel guilt over this action, so this puts his alignment as Chaotic Good, with his moral compass borderline Neutral. So he’s not that good….

Romantic Relationships: 16.) Several hookups and bootycalls. Okay I’m done here.

Relationship to fellow adventurers: In a party of 5 adventurers. 1.) Business associate, current or former; 2.) Friend of a friend; 3.) Romantic competitor, former or current; 4.) Also a romantic competitor, current or former; 5.) Former enemy.

Major Character Drawback: As this long, strange trip comes to an end, we come across the final chart. 68- Safety and Security. Kitty seeks security, and is always wary of someone stealing his stuff or causing him harm. As a result, he sleeps with one eye open, shotgun hidden under his pillow, and is borderline paranoid. Gee, ya THINK with all that crazy listed above? I’m surprised he survived all that lol.

(Source: methedras)

t-o-t-a-l-p-o-s-e-r:

sadariaartz:

chelseawelseyknight:

agentrodgers:

voxnihilo:

agentrodgers:

childhood-antiquity:

a-sensible-pantsuit:

agentrodgers:

childhood-antiquity:

agentrodgers didn’t like how I made my sandwich.

you put jelly on one side of the bread and peanut butter on the other. that’s an abomination and at least I know how to make a proper sandwich

How else would one make a pb&j? Like do you put them on the same slice of bread? I am so confused?

She should show us how to make one since she is just SOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!

OKAY KIDS RYAN’S GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE A PB&J SANDWICH
first you need your two slices of bread but as opposed to putting the peanut butter on one side, like some kind of animal, you’re going to put it on both

next you can slap your jelly of choice on and spread that shit it


now you can put the bread together and bag the sandwich for a meal later on

by making the sandwich like this, it stops the jelly from seeping through one side of the bread and making it all soggy when you eat it. I had to pack my lunch through the majority of school and that means having the sandwich sit in a bag for a solid 5 hours before I get to eat it and if you only put the jelly on one side, it’s going to bleed through the bread and be nasty but the peanut butter creates a buffer so it’s in prime condition


Dude black widow showed me how to make a sandwich

You’re welcome, citizen


oh my god

This is why I come here.

This turned out so much better than i initially thought it would
t-o-t-a-l-p-o-s-e-r:

sadariaartz:

chelseawelseyknight:

agentrodgers:

voxnihilo:

agentrodgers:

childhood-antiquity:

a-sensible-pantsuit:

agentrodgers:

childhood-antiquity:

agentrodgers didn’t like how I made my sandwich.

you put jelly on one side of the bread and peanut butter on the other. that’s an abomination and at least I know how to make a proper sandwich

How else would one make a pb&j? Like do you put them on the same slice of bread? I am so confused?

She should show us how to make one since she is just SOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!

OKAY KIDS RYAN’S GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE A PB&J SANDWICH
first you need your two slices of bread but as opposed to putting the peanut butter on one side, like some kind of animal, you’re going to put it on both

next you can slap your jelly of choice on and spread that shit it


now you can put the bread together and bag the sandwich for a meal later on

by making the sandwich like this, it stops the jelly from seeping through one side of the bread and making it all soggy when you eat it. I had to pack my lunch through the majority of school and that means having the sandwich sit in a bag for a solid 5 hours before I get to eat it and if you only put the jelly on one side, it’s going to bleed through the bread and be nasty but the peanut butter creates a buffer so it’s in prime condition


Dude black widow showed me how to make a sandwich

You’re welcome, citizen


oh my god

This is why I come here.

This turned out so much better than i initially thought it would

t-o-t-a-l-p-o-s-e-r:

sadariaartz:

chelseawelseyknight:

agentrodgers:

voxnihilo:

agentrodgers:

childhood-antiquity:

a-sensible-pantsuit:

agentrodgers:

childhood-antiquity:

agentrodgers didn’t like how I made my sandwich.

you put jelly on one side of the bread and peanut butter on the other. that’s an abomination and at least I know how to make a proper sandwich

How else would one make a pb&j? Like do you put them on the same slice of bread? I am so confused?

She should show us how to make one since she is just SOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!

OKAY KIDS RYAN’S GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE A PB&J SANDWICH

first you need your two slices of bread but as opposed to putting the peanut butter on one side, like some kind of animal, you’re going to put it on both

next you can slap your jelly of choice on and spread that shit it

now you can put the bread together and bag the sandwich for a meal later on

by making the sandwich like this, it stops the jelly from seeping through one side of the bread and making it all soggy when you eat it. I had to pack my lunch through the majority of school and that means having the sandwich sit in a bag for a solid 5 hours before I get to eat it and if you only put the jelly on one side, it’s going to bleed through the bread and be nasty but the peanut butter creates a buffer so it’s in prime condition

Dude black widow showed me how to make a sandwich

You’re welcome, citizen

oh my god

This is why I come here.

This turned out so much better than i initially thought it would

(Source: the-fault-in-our-star-lord)

(Source: larvitarr)

didyoumissme-221b:

feline-ranger:

causenotsymptom:

malformalady:

Glass headstones

Imagine a graveyard full of these on a sunny day. It would be so beautiful.

I would position mine so that every day when the sun was in the right position it would set fire to the roof of someone I hated, thus achieving revenge from beyond the grave every single day.

There are two kinds of people

  • Absalom: Step right up and get your very own Deity License!
  • Alkenstar: Shhh, don't tell the DM, but we snuck a bunch of guns into his campaign setting....
  • Andoran: Freedom doesn't knock, 'cause freedom RINGS.
  • Belkzen: We needed a place to put all the Orc tribes the PCs fight.
  • Brevoy: In Soviet Rostland, dragons fight you!
  • Cheliax: We own 50% of the continent and 30% of our own souls.
  • Druma: We already bought the world, here's the receipt.
  • Galt: Who's running the country today?
  • Geb: Where "you might be a zombie" is a compliment.
  • Hermea: I got two tickets to paradise if you just sign away your free will.
  • Irrisen: A snowy land ruled by witches that is totally NOT Narnia.
  • Isger: We're Cheliax's bitches and we love it.
  • Jalmeray: We needed a place where monk characters could come from.
  • Katapesh: The city-state of Ebay.
  • Kyonin: Not to be confused with Rivendell....
  • Lastwall: We're like Mendev, but we fight undead.
  • Lands of the Linnorm Kings: THIS IS NOT SKYRIM
  • Realm of the Mammoth Lords: THIS IS STILL NOT SKYRIM
  • Mediogalti Island: In order to keep our assassin's guild a secret we let the whole world know we live on this island.
  • Mendev: We're like Lastwall, but we fight demons.
  • Molthune: MOAR LAND
  • Mwangi Expanse: Just head upriver and keep right. If you get devoured by sentient, psychotic gorillas you went too far.
  • Nex: Our wizards could beat up your wizards.
  • Nidal: The kingdom of Creepypasta.
  • Nirmathas: A nation of Robin Hoods (tights optional).
  • Numeria: According to Ancient Astronaut Theorists....
  • Osirion: What's this "Egypt" you speak of?
  • Qadira: We are a peaceful people who just want to burn the infidel shitstain of Taldor off the map.
  • Rahadoun: God-Free Zone.
  • Razmiran: Razmir rolled a natural 20 on his Bluff check and now we have to believe he's a god.
  • The River Kingdoms: Law? Government? Stability? You're cute.
  • Sargava: Homeland of Murphy's Law.
  • The Shackles: Argh.
  • The Sodden Lands: Where dry towels are worth more than gold.
  • Taldor: Are we still politically relevant?
  • Thuvia: Our entire economy is based around a single man with a single potion. What could possibly go wrong?
  • Ustalav: Everything here is either haunted or cursed, and if it's not already, it will be.
  • Varisia: Literally everything that could cause the apocalypse is buried here.
  • The Worldwound: WE JUST WANT TO WATCH THE WORLD BURN LOL

meeshay:

soberchipmunk:

made a thing to wear at d&d tomorrow :3

this is cute

Margaery Tyrell + tumblr text posts

evil-genius-shark:

isbarglewithyou:

Last time I made a character randomly, I made a Chaotic Evil Bard with a magical instrument that was to bring about the apocalypse. So, let’s try this again!

Just for simplicity’s sake, I’m going with human male again. First step is to determine homeland….. He grew up in a village or small town….

This seems rather interesting. It’s good to see a true neutral that’s not a merchant of some sort.

True Neutral is an alignment ripe for playing an opportunistic character, so a merchant, or even a mercenary character would probably be the common choice for many players. I like to imagine this cavalier as having an understanding how “flexible” politics and loyalty can be, doing things for his family that aren’t necessarily “honorable” but still trying to maintain that code. He’d fit right into the Song of Ice and Fire setting (and probs die horribly at someone’s wedding lol).

skyrimconfessionss:

"I hate the Blades so much."
skyrimconfessionss.tumblr.com

Me: “The deed is done. He’s dead, Esbern. I hope it was worth it.”
Esbern: “Good job!”
Me: “….That’s it? No reward? No badass armor or weapon? I killed the only grandfather-like figure I’ve ever known and alienated the Greybeards for all time and all you can say is ‘good job’?!”
Esbern: “Yup. Wanna hunt some dragons?”
Me: “FUS FUCK YOU!”

skyrimconfessionss:

"I hate the Blades so much."

skyrimconfessionss.tumblr.com

Me: “The deed is done. He’s dead, Esbern. I hope it was worth it.”

Esbern: “Good job!”

Me: “….That’s it? No reward? No badass armor or weapon? I killed the only grandfather-like figure I’ve ever known and alienated the Greybeards for all time and all you can say is ‘good job’?!”

Esbern: “Yup. Wanna hunt some dragons?”

Me: “FUS FUCK YOU!”

Last time I made a character randomly, I made a Chaotic Evil Bard with a magical instrument that was to bring about the apocalypse. So, let’s try this again!

Just for simplicity’s sake, I’m going with human male again. First step is to determine homeland….. He grew up in a village or small town. Parents: Both of them live. That’s refreshing. Siblings: He has 8 siblings! Obviously his parents don’t know what contraception is, or they’re too poor to afford servants and so they need to grow their own.

Next step is circumstances of birth: Hey! He’s nobility. So actually his parents CAN afford servants, but not condoms. :P

Now to determine noble rank: 98…. Holy shit. “Minor Prince”. Not next in line for succession (barring a string of deaths) but your wealth and power are grand indeed.

Major childhood events: 1d4 = 4. Quite an eventful life. 1.) Death in the family; 2.) Fell in with a bad crowd; 3.) Received Inheritance; 4.) Raiders!

So let’s figure out these details. Perhaps the death in the family was of a beloved relative (Uncle, maybe), which caused a hardening of the heart, and therefore, after receiving his inheritance, he ended up joining a band of brutal warriors who terrorized the countryside and the neighboring domains. The “raiders” were actually peasants revolting, and it caused a shitload of destruction.

They expect you to make your class decision, so this time I’m gonna go with the Cavalier class from the Advanced Player’s Guide. How did he become one? That question is kinda answered but let’s flesh out the details a bit….. 82: Honorbound. You swore a vow long ago that you must uphold, such as a promise made in your youth. Actually I like this, perhaps my cavalier repented for his bastard-like actions and now has distanced himself from his old order.

Individual associates: AKA People who have influenced you. Only 2 for this chart. 1.) The Mercenary. That explains the knights who were dicks to everybody, resulting in the raid. 2.) The Dead One. Hey! Relative must’ve come back as a ghost yelling at him to get his act together or be haunted blah blah blah…… Wow this chart works. Everything connects so far!

I may have jinxed it…..

Major Conflict: This is how you determine alignment. Mine is a betrayal! I betrayed someone, probably that relative that bit the dust. That explains the ghostly appearance. Why did I do it? Rolled a 3, pressured or manipulated. Well that makes sense….. A bit of math and some sincere repentance later, he’s True Neutral in alignment, with leanings toward Lawful. Interesting.

Relationships with fellow adventurers: He’s in a party with 3 other adventurers. Lets consult the Handy Dandy Adventurer Relation Chart! 1.)  One is a friendly competitor. 2.) One is a former enemy. 3.) And the last one follows the same religion he does.

Major Drawback: His major drawback is Reputation/Fame. He works hard to, in this case, rebuild his image and maintain his family’s honor. When others slander or question his family’s honor, he tends to lose his shit.

So now that that’s done, I actually like this character. He’s actually playable, unlike the previous one.

enginedynamicsinc:

Blacksmith Ric Furrer in his workshop holding his crucible steel Ulfberht blade. It has almost been a 1000 years since a metallugically accurate Ulfberht has been made. Ric heated the blade in a traditional brick forge. Ulfberht were the best Viking swords ever crafted, the blades had very little slag and were meant to bend while in use. Only 171 real Ulfberht swords have ever been recovered.
enginedynamicsinc:

Blacksmith Ric Furrer in his workshop holding his crucible steel Ulfberht blade. It has almost been a 1000 years since a metallugically accurate Ulfberht has been made. Ric heated the blade in a traditional brick forge. Ulfberht were the best Viking swords ever crafted, the blades had very little slag and were meant to bend while in use. Only 171 real Ulfberht swords have ever been recovered.

enginedynamicsinc:

Blacksmith Ric Furrer in his workshop holding his crucible steel Ulfberht blade. It has almost been a 1000 years since a metallugically accurate Ulfberht has been made. Ric heated the blade in a traditional brick forge. Ulfberht were the best Viking swords ever crafted, the blades had very little slag and were meant to bend while in use. Only 171 real Ulfberht swords have ever been recovered.

neilnevins:

nathanael-platier:

We freed them…but at what cost?

that ball wasn’t there to trap them
it was to protect us

neilnevins:

nathanael-platier:

We freed them…but at what cost?

that ball wasn’t there to trap them

it was to protect us

palimpsest-paramour:

iamthebricklayer:

Today, I bought this INCREDIBLE reprint of an antique (1970’s) LOTR poster illustrated by Jimmy Cauty. I wish I could find a higher quality copy of it because the detail is astounding…all the words, symbols, and characters hidden throughout. I am so in love.

nice find!